dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
