Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
