kristin has been a bad kristin
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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