remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
