This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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