FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
