I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
