The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
