i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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