I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
