We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
