Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
