Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
