From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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