those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
