My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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