$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
