Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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