Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
