I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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