hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
