u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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