Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
