I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
