God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize