According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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