theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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