Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
