I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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