they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
