I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
barbara walters just said penis...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Shame - the story of my life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
