Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
