I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize