I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh god it's open bar.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
