rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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