So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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