I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
