Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
