so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize