Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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