Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
