I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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