I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
