My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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