I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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