Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize