Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
