dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
