So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it was like eating out sand paper
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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