You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Rumble strips road head = magical
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize