Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
