it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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