im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Someone signed my nipple.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
