Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
