Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize