Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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