She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
