At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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