Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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