I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
