I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize