I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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