Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
