at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
