I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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