How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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