just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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