Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize