just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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