i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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