If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize