Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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